Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
