Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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