well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
