Just fell off a train. Bad.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
