peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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