Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
