and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
