i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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