What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
