I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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