i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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