What a fucking waste of an outfit
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
