my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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