Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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