The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
