you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
