Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
