I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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