Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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