Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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