u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How's work?
Spinning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
