Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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