problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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