Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
