i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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