he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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