she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
