Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
