Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
