hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
