After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
