That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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