It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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