just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
