She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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