The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
