I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
