Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
