Me too!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
