The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
