I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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