Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
