You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
