I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
