Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
