Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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