I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
