Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
