Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize