So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
