new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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