Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
