I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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