Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
