Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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