She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
