i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
