Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
