you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
