Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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