I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize