When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
