i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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