Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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