I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
