I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
