Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
