WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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