Plan B is the new Plan A
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
