I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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