Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
should my penis look like a turkey
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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