Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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