you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize