I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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