Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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