We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
