You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
