Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
