So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
