I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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