i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My feet surprised me
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