don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
