its not stalking. its research.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
