Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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