This is not my ceiling
I'm drive I can fine osifer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
