I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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