you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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